Bits & Pieces (4)
APHORISMS | HUMOR
Category: Growing Old
Exercise
The best exercise, at my age? Clipping toenails.
Misanthrope
As I’m getting older, I’m becoming less and less of an altruist, and more and more of a misanthrope!!
Understanding
Young people cannot understand old people. Old people can (understand young people), but they don’t want to.
Dentures
Another benefit of wearing dentures: you will never be hungry, since you always have leftover food in your mouth.
Selfless
It’s easy to be selfless when you’re young and healthy. Try to be selfless when you’re old and every bone hurts.
Growing old
When of all trousers you can tolerate only those with an elastic band…
Experience
As we get older, we have fewer and fewer original ideas. Experience destroys originality.
Empathy
The ability to empathize with others is weakening as we grow older and our health starts to deteriorate.
Paradox
Things were much simpler for me when I was young, than they are now.
Opinion
It’s for the young to be opinionated. Older folks should know better.
Youth
Today’s youth don’t waste their time on TV: they do it on the Internet.
Horror
Youth is that part of our lives when we could look in a mirror without horror.
Control
As we get older, the body’s functioning is switching from automatic to manual.
Sign
They say that teeth can determine how old you are. Of course: when they start falling out, you’re quite old.
Prospective
When you’re young, you want to change the World. When older, all you want is that the World to leave you alone.
Terminology
Middle-aged… or — half-dead?
Sorry, ma’am!
The other day, in a reply to a complaint from one older lady, I said: Sorry ma’am, but at your age, the fact that you are a woman doesn’t make any difference!
Rituals
For a long time, I was bragging that my only habit is not having other habits. However, as getting older, I started enjoying certain rituals that I didn’t care for before. They don’t say in vain that aging stiffens the human spirit.
Optical illusion
While young, we tend to think that life is endless and full of opportunities. It takes getting old to realize how big of an illusion that is.
Poetry
When I was younger, I was writing poetry (like all other sensitive souls on this planet). Needless to say, I wasn’t much of a poet. But, that wasn’t the reason I stopped writing poetry: the real reason is that I’ve realized that I wasn’t going to intentionally limit the room for my thoughts, by putting them into pre-defined forms.
Repetition
We are all grown-up when things start repeating themselves.
Patience & persistence
Patience and persistence were never high on my list of desirable virtues. By getting older, I’ve moved them to the top of the list.
Birthdays
Birthday celebrations are either for very young or very old. In the first case, they are joy, and in the second — success.
Hair
You know that you’re old when hair growing from your eyebrows, ears, and nose becomes longer and thicker than the one on the top of your head.
Do you know when you’re old?
Do you know when you’re old? When unsuccessfully trying for 5 mins to remove toothpaste from your chin, only to realize that it’s grays in your beard.
These are some of the aphorisms that I’ve written over the years. For more, please visit https://www.polojko.com/aphorisms. Feel free to share.
Bits & Pieces (4) was originally published in Meta Life on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.